I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
