This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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