They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
