You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂