Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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  (908): so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts? http://tfl.nu/ocmm
  Replies (49) Good night (1455) Bad night (5898)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Can you return condoms to CVS?

  (516): View more from New York

  Only if you return your pride as well.

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  (631): Can you return condoms to CVS? (516): Only if you return your pride as well. http://tfl.nu/vx1b
  Replies (32) Good night (680) Bad night (3626)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

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  (609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir
  Replies (18) Good night (7246) Bad night (1057)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

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  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (13229) Bad night (916)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?

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  (402): So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy? http://tfl.nu/0629
  Replies (44) Good night (6156) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You are the reason we need health care reform

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  (773): When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger (708): You are the reason we need health care reform http://tfl.nu/m8x5
  Replies (55) Good night (2978) Bad night (1043)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign

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  (856): I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/u6cw
  Replies (9) Good night (3117) Bad night (1038)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?

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  (515): you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night? http://tfl.nu/cew2
  Replies (17) Good night (3977) Bad night (1240)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.

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  (617): I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis. http://tfl.nu/8mhm
  Replies (9) Good night (1664) Bad night (3993)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor

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  (580): There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/zpbq
  Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (1234)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.

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  (732): I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this. http://tfl.nu/iud4
  Replies (6) Good night (1844) Bad night (683)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Brilliant thought; pill pong.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What could go wrong?

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  (651): Brilliant thought; pill pong. (651): What could go wrong? http://tfl.nu/lofi
  Replies (12) Good night (890) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.

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  (812): Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords. http://tfl.nu/1djr
  Replies (4) Good night (1889) Bad night (471)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.

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  (815): It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles (507): We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it. http://tfl.nu/cujh
  Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.

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  (708): Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/bjgi
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (919)

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