we have pet lesbian snakes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.