saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?