I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience