1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
