Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
