youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
