OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
