thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
