why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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