she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
