Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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