do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So vagazzling was a success
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
