So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Enjoy the penises
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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