you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
