We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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