how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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