There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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