why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize