we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
