This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
