Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
