just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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