sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
