fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
