i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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