btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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