Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
