ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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