have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
