just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
