Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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