In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
