JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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