we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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