My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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