She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
