the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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