so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
