I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
