I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.