So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.