evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.