Please, let me fuck your mom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
