Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
