he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
