Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
