I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
