dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
