Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
