even my farts smell like vagina
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
