i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I understand Curling. That high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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