you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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