I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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