Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
