Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
