Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
