what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
