If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
