"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
