what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
