I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
