Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
