i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
